


Get in losers we're going cursebreaking

by redsprite



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, I think we can all agree on that, Newton needs help, Other, he probably shouldnt have help with his bucket list tho, otoh that worked for him before, so who knows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 19:00:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20179159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsprite/pseuds/redsprite
Summary: Anathema and Newton find out that his tech curse was put on him by Agnes, and Anathema will not stand for it. Luckily, they have friends to help them with that problem.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just some nice meandering incoherent fluff I've written down without much editing, because it was fun.

Newton had never really thought much about witchcraft, which was admittedly not ideal for a witchfinder, but he had only been a witchfinder for two days. And then he had found a witch, considered the witchfinding done and dusted, and started reading about witchcraft. And thinking.  
And worrying.

In the end, there was no other way. He had to talk to Anathema about it. They sat on the bench in front of Jasmine Cottage, like they often did, and his hands were shaking. He was so nervous.

“Ana… can I ask you something… about witchcraft...”

Anathema smile. “Of course. You’ve been reading up on it, I was waiting for you to have questions.”

Newton tried a smile, but only managed it halfways. “This is going to be a difficult one.”

“Newt, I’m a fully trained witch, and I have a lot of witch friends, we’ll figure it out. What is it?”

Newt made a face. “It’s about me.”

Anathema nodded. She knew it’d come up. She took his hand.

“Tell me.”

He kept his gaze on their hands. There was no other way. He had to ask. It was just so… hard. “You know the way I break computers,” he said. “And how I am the descendant of this witchfinder who burnt your ancestor, a real witch. It’s a curse, right? Me and the computers? I’m cursed?”

“Yes, honey. And I can’t lift it, I’m sorry. But I told you, I don’t mind.”

“But maybe you should,” said Newton. 

Anathema shook her head. “Of course not. You’re ridiculous about computers, but they’re not important to me. You’re important to me. You’re a good person, Newt. I love you.”

Newton took a deep breath. “That’s not all. I was thinking about it, you know. Why computers? If Agnes cursed me, even as a prophet, she couldn’t really know much about computers. This is so awfully specific. And I was thinking that the curse is on computers because I love them so much.”

He looked up at her. “And I love you so much.”

“Oh, honey, no...”

“What if, Ana? What if the curse will hit all that I love? What if it’s not just computers? What if I hurt everything I love? What if I’m cursed to hurt you?”

“Agnes wouldn’t let that happen.”

“What can she do? She’s been dead for hundreds of years.”

“You love your mum, and she’s fine.”

“Ana… it’s not just computers. I break all kinds of things, mostly electrical, but they all are… things that do things. They’re all… devices.”

Anathema Device took a deep breath.

“The only human Device you’ve broken so far is my mom,” she said, trying a smile. “When I told her I’m going to stay here, in this rainy, ugly, witchburning tiny speck on the map, all because of a witchfinder, of all things.”

Newton tried a tiny smile back. “There you have it.”

“Stop worrying, Newt,” she said softly. “We’re going to do all the countercurses I know, and then some. And if that’s not enough, we do more. You don’t deserve to be cursed, and I won’t let this hurt me. I promise.”

“You deserve so much, Ana. You deserve not to be controlled by the past anymore. I don’t want this curse to have any power over your life.”

Anathema grinned. “Well, there’s something else we could do,” she said and her smile became a bit more teasing. “I don’t have to be a Device all my life. I could be a Pulsifer.”

“But...” Newt sputtered. “We said we won’t get married. Agnes has predicted it, so that’s why we shouldn’t, right? And even if we would… you wouldn’t have to take my name, just because it said so on those old documents. Really, Ana...”

Anathema kissed him. “I get to make my own decisions now, right? Just because Agnes said I’m going to marry you doesn’t mean I have to. It doesn’t mean that I can’t, though. If I decide so for myself.”

Newt wasn’t so easily calmed down. “But you’re not! If you only marry me because Agnes cursed me, then it’s not your decision.”

Anathema stared at him. “I’m not marrying you because you’re cursed. I’m marrying you because I love you!”

“You… you are?”

“You know what? You’re right. Before I marry you, we’re going to have a word with Agnes about this bullshit. I’m so fed up with this.”


	2. Chapter 2

Madame Tracey needed some persuading.

“I’ve really retired from it, and I’m not a very strong medium,” she said. “Agnes has been gone for a long time. It might be very difficult to reach her.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I brought some items that will help with that,” said Anathema, lifting her eyebrows, and an ominously rattling bag embroidered with occult symbols.

That didn’t really help to reassure Madame Tracey that this was a good idea.

In the end, her protective side won. Madame Tracey had been fond of Newton from the beginning, and when she heard the whole story, about the young witchfinder who went and found himself a witch, who he was going to marry as soon as they could get a grip of the curse he was under, she relented.

“Of course I’m going to help you,” she said. “Young love, I guess I can’t say no.”

+

“Have you cursed the line of Pulsifers, Agnes?”

_“Every last one of them.”_

“Agnes, that’s so unfair! Newt has done nothing to deserve that!”

_“What have I done to deserve to burn, my dear descendant?”_

“Two wrongs doesn’t make a right!”

_“It’s done, my dear Anathema. I can’t undo it.”_

“I love him, Agnes! I don’t care if he’s a witchfinder! I don’t care what his ancestors did! Right now, I’m not even sure I care what my ancestors did, except that one of them cursed my boyfriend! Will our kids be cursed? Have you ever thought about that?”

_“There’s a shop of other men’s books where you can find your answers.”_

“I’m not taking advice from you ever again!”

+

“Well,” said Madame Tracey. “I’m sorry that didn’t work out well for you. But she’s right about the used book shop, you know. It’s in Soho, you met the owner once, on Tadfield Airbase, not sure if you remember. He can help you.”

“Wait,” said Agnes. “The book thief? Black clothes, black car? Calls his husband angel? Oh, flaming sword, wait, he was an angel?”

“Yes, that’s Aziraphale, the one who had the sword. He’s the owner of the book shop. Oh, they’re married now?” asked Madame Tracey. “They didn’t say.”

“They didn’t say to me either, I just assumed from their auras. Who are they?”

“I don’t think I should tell you too much about that, but Aziraphale is a very good friend. Go and tell him I sent you. He’ll be happy to see you again, I’m sure. And you, young Pulsifer, don’t you worry so much. A good heart will shine through everything else. And nip over for a cup of tea sometimes, I'm sure Mr. S would love to sit with you and talk about the good old times.”


	3. Chapter 3

The bookseller in Soho did indeed welcome them with open arms. Anathema and Newton at first had a few moments where they weren’t entirely certain if they had seen him in Tadfield, because it was always a memory that was there and not there at the same time, but Anathema, who had met him before, recovered quickly.

Also, he really was very nice and most helpful.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I had been a bit wary of you, an angel, as a witch. I wasn’t sure we’d get along.”

“Oh, please,” said Aziraphale and poured them tea. “Did you know that witchcraft originally was taught to the early humankind by angels? Why would I be mad at you for listening to them?”

“God was,” said Anathema.

“Well, I am not the Allmighty,” said Azirapahle. “And I am not in a position to pass judgement. I’m only here on Earth to help.”

His smile was very knowing, as he sat down with them, and while Anathema didn’t know much about him, she remembered that his husband-or-not had bowed deeply before Lord Beelzebub, while the angel very pointedly had not.

Not in a position to pass judgement, indeed. Suddenly, Anathema was very glad they’d come here.

“Thank you,” she said warmly.

“You’re welcome. So, what can I help you two with? Madame Tracey has already called ahead and hinted you need a cursebreaker?”

Anathema and Newton explained.

“I would marry him anyway, I don’t care how many things he breaks. But he thinks he’s cursed to hurt me, too.”

Newton blinked. “I might be. We don’t know. It’s really not all that improbable.”

“I don’t care. I don’t understand why this is such a big thing, all of sudden.”

“No, Anathema,” said Aziraphale. “He’s right. This is serious.”

Aziraphale looked at Newton, then back at Anathema. “When I fell in love with Crowley, for centuries, all I could think about was that if someone found out, Crowley would be destroyed, and it would be my fault. It’s frightening, looking at the one you love, knowing you’ll be their ruin. These times are behind us now, thankfully. So, no need for these faces, please. If I can help you with this, in any way, I will.”

They were both still making these faces. Anathema took Newton’s hand. “Honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “You shouldn’t have to go through anything like that.”

Newton swallowed and looked at Aziraphale. “Can you fix it?”

Aziraphale sighed. “I’m not exactly sure how Agnes did that. If I don’t find out, then the only thing I can do is make you repel all witchcraft.”

“That would probably be for the best anyway,” said Anathema. “Half my family and friends are witches, and they’re not happy about him. If he’s immune against their powers, it won’t give them ideas.”

She looked unhappy. “There’s something else. I… I don’t know if I should mention it… But you know Madame Tracey’s ‘Mr S’?”

“I do,” said Aziraphale. “He works for me.”

“Really?” It didn’t happen that Anathema was surprised, but now she was baffled. “Hadn’t expected that. What do you employ witchfinders for?”

“I didn’t employ him for that,” said Aziraphale, obviously embarassed. “Just sometimes, I need some human agents, to find something for me. Books, usually. Sometimes people.”

“You were the one who told us to watch Adam Young, right?” said Newton. 

“I did. He’s protected against ethereal and occult detection,” said Aziraphale, still a bit uncomfortable about the topic. “I needed humans to find him.”

“You had his name and address,” said Newton. “You had already found him.”

“Well, yes, technically,” said Aziraphale. “I still needed you. I couldn’t know if he was still protected from me interfering with him even then.”

“So that’s why,” said Anathema astonished. “I stood before him. I talked to him. I made friends with him. I saw that his aura was different from anyone else’s. And I never suspected a thing. And then you came,” she said and looked at Newton. “Not an occult bone in your body, looked at one single prophecy, and had him pinned down.”

She looked back to Aziraphale. “And you sent him?”

Aziraphale smiled nervously. “I guess.”

Anathema gave him a big smile. “Well, thanks. You brought us together.”

“My pleasure. What was it you wanted to ask about Mr. Shadwell?”

Anathema took a deep breath. “Could he be cursed, too? One of his ancestors had a hand in burning Agnes, too.”

Newton looked at her in shock. “Are you sure?”

Anathema gave him a tart smile. “I wouldn’t forget a name like that.”

Newton shook his head. “Why would anyone curse him? He’s just an old fool,” he said. “Never hurt a fly. He came all the way to Tadfield because he thought I was in danger.”

“Why would anyone curse you?” returned Anathema. “It’s not about you, or him. And I want it to stop.”

She looked at Aziraphale, her chin high. 

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes, that would be for the best.”


	4. Chapter 4

After the first two attempts at giving Newton cursebreaking necklaces fell through by means of broken chains, they changed their strategy and accepted a suggestion from Crowley they had at first turned down for the sheer painfulness of it.

Crowley had a very good long laugh at their expense, and found them a reliable occult tattoo parlour.

And so, Retired Witchfinder Private Pulsifer and Retired Witchfinder Seargeant Shadwell got matching anti-witchcraft tattoos.

Shadwell knew he had to be tattoed first. He had some responsibilities here, after all. After he had run out of the shop three times, throwing very anti-witch-fuelled fits about the occult symbols on the walls, and had to be brought back in by Aziraphale who convinced him it was all for the benefit of young Pulsifer.

The tattoo artist nodded when he finally had a shirtless Shadwell in his chair. “Oh, I see, you’re old school. Some classics, I’d say. Haven’t seen any of those in a while.”

Shadwell threw an apologizing glance at young, impressionable Pulsifer. “I was young once,” he said.

“And behind bars,” grinned Crowley.

“Really, Mr. Shadwell?” asked Newton. “Why?”

“Witchfinding was never a sustainable carreer,” said Shadwell, “I had to look for other employment.”

“I hired him as a lockpick, when he was younger,” said Crowley. “No idea if he was any good though, the heist fell through.”

Newton looked at Mr Shadwell hopefully. “Did you ever rob a bank, Mr. Shadwell?”

“Nah, laddie, not yet. It was on my bucket list, for a long time.”

“It’s on mine, too! I mean, just the idea of it. I can bring down every alarm system in under five seconds. I couldn’t help wondering, you know.”

Crowley laughed. “OK, boys, I think that’s the bachelor’s party settled, then. Count me in.”

“Crowley!” 

“What, angel? You’re not coming?”

“Of course not! And young Pulsifers special talents will be set to rest by that tattoo today.”

“Bit of a waste, if you ask me.”

“Crowley, he’s going to be married to that very nice book girl, and half of her family can’t wait to curse him for it. Surely he’s got his priorities in order. Wouldn’t you do the same?”

Crowley looked at the angel and grinned. “And you? Would you get tattooed for me? Should we get matching tattoos?”

Aziraphale was at a loss for words. He looked around the tattoo parlour, then at Crowley again.  
“I’ll think about it,” he said.

“I mean, I still could do it in under five minutes. I think,” said Newton.


End file.
